A client once told me that prostitution is a curse. That girls who get into the trade are destined to be in it. They are by fate chosen to fulfil a certain role. That the same the universe is precise; you know the delicate distance from earth to the sun, the right amount of gases in the air, the role of trees , water bodies and all in ensuring the survival of the planet so does everyone has a role. But I also read somewhere that believes in Fate and Destiny is the curse of failures.
This early in the year, I find myself tempted to believe in destiny. I know it’s not recommended that one should start the year on a sullen confused note, yet here I go. I had hoped that 2011 would be my last year on the street. But come 2012, I find myself drifting back. Somehow I am not with enough will to let go. I went back this last weekend when I was pressed for cash.
Deep inside, though, I know I am headed to that dangerous point girls on the street get to after some time. The point where they start hating what they do, where they want to quit but somehow can’t. And from there it becomes downstream. A girl gets angry, rude, and the perfect stereotype of a prostitute. She ends up quitting or living an empty life, spreading her legs for whatever comes along.
Yet there is a way out of that psychological trap, which is to accept that one is destined to be a prostitute. Once a girl accepts her destiny, things become relatively easy. A girl has her feet, heart and mind fully in the trade. She just has to evolve as she grows older, less pretty, and fatigued by her working environment. And that’s what I am debating with at the moment. No need to keep saying I plan to quit or going on and on about how I didn’t dream of being a prostitute forever. Why not just make up my mind I am in this for the long run, and with it acquire the peace of mind that comes with knowing and accepting your purpose in this world?
Quitting for me is made complicated because I don’t know exactly why I got into this trade in the first place. Of course now I have tied it to economic needs, but still there is something else pushing me. Like they say, how can I know where I am going if I don’t know where I am coming from?
After the brand building of the last year and with a little discipline and determination, I can run my economic life without necessarily being on the street, but for some reason I am afraid of letting the street go. So what next?
I will have to wait and see how the year goes. I will get into my work with gusto. I will try to enjoy my work and become happier. It’s boring to keep lamenting. . Maybe it’s time to up the game. To make the brand building what exactly it should be and not spend time dilly dallying about having a higher goal, which is not clear. It’s time to become a prostitute proper.
Destiny is perhaps also something to think about for those girls who email requesting that I introduce them to the trade. Yes once in a while I receive an email from a girl asking me to show them the ropes of what I do. Some will quote their pressing economic situation while others are seeking adventure. Perhaps in my writing I have given the impression that prostitution is sort of an amazing place. It’s certainly not.
Thinking of it, I believe not every girl with the courage to sell her body is cut to be a prostitute. There are things that make one really fit. Some inborn traits that I would hesitate to call talent. I see it every month: girls who come to the street as determined as they can be but quit after a short while, unable to flourish. Nevertheless, can one be trained to be a prostitute? I don’t think so. Just like a footballer, you either have the talent to or not. Football practice only makes you better but does not give you the talent. I wouldn’t encourage anyone to join, let alone show them the ropes. Whether for money, power, or mere adventure, a girl has to seek inside her and make the bold move on her own. Girls who come to the street as a result of peer influence end up more frustrated than the rest of us, who walked here out of our own accord. Maybe a girl has to be one of the chosen, or rather cursed by the gods.
On a different note, despite being January, the tough month, business is good. The men
are bargaining less and paying well. The only low is that there are not as many. And the city council is usually more stressful in January. Of course, by the end of the month, the street will flood with the salaried with their ‘hard earned’ cash. And the drama will start. But with the sobriety and calmness of the clients of the moment, it’s even harder to quit.
Happy New Year, everyone. I will continue writing.
