Very early in my work I realized most men want to believe they are the best in sex; and want to be acknowledged so. Quite a number are in a constant state of anxiety during the act; not sure they will be judged successful. Performance anxiety is one of the reasons that drives doubtful men to us. For with a prostitute a man feels at a higher level, in charge and with nothing to prove. On the other hand, a positive response from a prostitute, which is more or less always the case, reassures the man. But woe unto you who uses my reaction as a measure of your performance. I know of many times when I feigned joy while thinking of my next drink.
There is one very obvious indicator of a man seeking reassurance. Normally when a man has sex with me he is less bothered whether I am satisfied or not. A man who asks me explicitly whether I had fun or not is seeking to boost his ego. I usually feel nice when a man asks the question, though I end up pitying him. However that does not mean there are no men genuinely interested in what I feel, there are, but far and apart.
Many of my clients want to be treated like kings in bed or dominate me completely, after all, they are paying a premium price. Whereas when with their girlfriends, some men want to be in control, when with me they want to cede the power, they want me to take over and do things to them. And if they are to dominate they do things to me they would never have the courage to ask their girls. John did not want all the hullabaloo that comes with paid sex. He wanted to get on with it, lie beside me, and ask whether I had enjoyed it or not. If I answered in the affirmative he sought to know whether I was honest or out to please him.
John became my regular. Although prostitutes offer the same delicacies in different potions, a client once told me the joy of prostitution is variety and that there is something amiss with a man who visits only a particular prostitute. Something I am reluctant to believe. But I know some men are afraid to explore other girls either out of a nasty experience previously, say theft, or because they find some particular peace in me. A comfort zone that comes with the certainty of predictability. It is a rare man who becomes faithful to a prostitute.
No matter how close a man becomes to a prostitute, they remain strangers; the connection remains distant. The man knows he can never own or control the girl and though the girl knows if she plays her cards well she can control the man; there is a feeling of living in different worlds that creates a gap that can never be bridged. The gap which is like that of a man and a deity makes it easy for the parties in a prostitute-client relationship to tell it all. But like with any such conversation, it starts cautiously. Slowly John confessed he had never slept with a girl who wasn’t a prostitute; simply for fear of failure. I suspected the reason John became my regular was not only because I responded positively, but because his performance anxiety got to such a level he was not confident enough to even visit another prostitute. And that became his Achilles heel. I made him my toyboy.
John is the man I control. The one I squeeze as much as I want from, despite his relatively modest means. The only one of my clients I have succeeded in making him treat me like a girlfriend.; the nagging, demanding, drama queen type. I have played with his anxieties to discourage him from getting a girlfriend. It makes me feel super to have a puppet man. What I have achieved with John is one of the secret ambitions of most girls.
I don’t think John will be going anywhere anytime soon.
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